Run for Dear Life...probably not the title you're used to seeing from me. But, as of today I've decided to use my blog for good instead of gab; not that I posted bad stuff. Maybe someone will get something out of my ramblings. If anything, this will be my own account of my journey to a healthy life. Something I can look back on 6 months, 1 year or 2 years from now to see how far I've come in this journey.
Sure, I've said it MANY times....I'm going to get healthy, I'm going to lose this weight, yada yada yada. I start out okay for a while then FLOP. Well, I'm tired of flopping and giving those who laugh and mock more to laugh at. Yes, sadly, there are some who have actually said to my face "I'll believe it when I see it for you to lose weight." But you know, those kinds of people are always going to be there. As I think back on that I should have used that fuel as a fire starter not a reason to quit. I'm tired of beating myself up and having more emotional bruises to heal. I'm finished with feeling like I'm holding myself back in this life because of my weight. No more! You know, it's like our fight with Satan. The Bible tells us Satan has to leave us when we tell him too in the Name of the Lord...he has to leave...yes, scripture says that! So....weight be gone in the name of Lindsay WILL conquer you! hehehe a moment of toughness!
Many of you know I've been working hard this year at the weight loss battle. The scale doesn't say so as much, but I feel I've made so many positive improvements. Sure I could have worked much harder. Losing weight is not all about the food; although I desperately need to learn how to fuel my body and not eat just to be eating. In fact, for me, it is more about the mind. Sure food has a lot to do with our success, but I think our mental readiness is so important, too. Even more so important than the food aspect. Our minds control so much of our being. I mean, think about this. We're sad or mad (an emotion in the mind and heart), we're bored, etc so what do we do? WE EAT! At least I do.
Since the first of the year I have tried to rethink my life, my habits (good and bad), my likes, my dislikes, what fuels me and what drains me. I've started following fellow Ozark Countians on their pursuit to a healthy life by running. I'm a LONG way from being able to keep up with them on the trail, but Norene P, David M http://runlikeamug.blogspot.com/, Molly L, Carl B and so many more have been inspirations to me. I've listed them in my blog and I don't think they have an idea how they've inspired and helped me already. It all started last year when many of them ran in a marathon in Nashville, TN. I have no idea what it was and to this day can't tell you. But something clicked in me. The desire deep inside me that is running on all cylinders....but it's a desire that's running on the inside trying to find it's way out; out and onto the open road!
I read their posts about training. I remember thinking, "My goodness that's a lot of running." I also remember thinking, "I'll never be able to run (our minds are brutal!)." Even though I've always felt like my soul was a runner....I've never exactly had the runner build! Then I saw their pictures from the race. You could see so much emotion on their faces; emotions of completing a huge endeavor, emotions of exhaustion yet feeling so accomplished, smiles, laughter, and being so happy to finish such a milestone.
"I'm so happy for them. That is awesome. I can do that. I want to do that. I NEED to do that." These are all things I remember hearing myself say. They were all statements associated with that "click" in my head. That moment of Lindsay...you have a great life and you're very blessed and fortunate, you're happy with everyone and their accomplishments except yourself, you know what you have to do! Let me back up a second...I tend to be a very happy person and very much enjoy life. But you may understand where I'm coming from. Even though my life is filled with joy I still feel like I'm letting my weight hold me back from my full potential; that potential that God has given me that I allow the weight to rule. That's the part of me where I'm so hard on myself and hot happy with. But by gollies I'm going to do something about it! HA :)
I'd like to say all that changed my life in an instant, but it didn't. It's not easy. If it were, I wouldn't have let my weight get so out of hand. Not an excuse, but being overweight is the absolute hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. It's worse than college, worse than relationships (and I stink at those), worse than living life single, worse than losing loved ones. But you know, weight is the reason I stink at some of those other things in life. No matter how much I'm liked...if I can't fully like myself it's just a ripple effect on everything else. There is a verse of scripture for that: Love your neighbor as yourself. -Mark 12:31. I do love my neighbors, but you see, if I can't fully love myself how in the world can I do as God commands and fully love my neighbors?! It's all a ripple effect I tell ya.
I'm losing focus.....So, after the first of the year I started to watch my food, get some walking in. I lost about 24 pounds in a little over a month doing that. But then the mind starts in. My mind kept telling me how it doesn't matter that I've lost 24 pounds because people don't know it and can't tell. I still felt people looking at me like a fatty. Granted I still was and am, but I felt so good having lost that. I mean come on, that's eight packages of sugar! But, the mind got the best of me. I recall making a blast on facebook about being sick and tired of working so hard at losing weight and still being looked at as a fatty. Boy, did that get a lot of comments! Ha. Then, the comment from a great friend that set in motion another "click"...that little text that asked if I minded they help me with my journey. Boy did that stir me up. I first thought no way can I let this happen. I don't like to talk about my weight to my parents let alone someone someone outside my realm of comfort, especially a guy. And a hunky one at that ;) (Ha, he knows I think that cause I've told him so no worries!) But then, as tears flowed down my face and as I prayed in the silence, I could feel this was right. I could even feel a strong presence of God around me during that moment. I knew I now had a true accountability partner who saw me as me not a fatty, someone to keep me in check, someone I did not and do not want to fail!! Maybe one day I'll have the courage to tell him. Until then, patience for God's timing.
Yes, I've failed many times since March and I'll continue to not do as good as I should/could. I have a long way to go and much to learn. I can't think of things as failures, but areas to work harder to get better.....I'm a work in progress. I've walked/jogged many miles since January 1, 2012...I wish I would have kept record of them before now. I finally have a love of walking and working on the jogging. I get out there on the open road and push so hard. I remember the first several weeks I could hardly move after I'd get in from a walk. Now, I'm walking 2-6 miles nearly every day. When I get home I'm exhausted, but it's a great exhausted and I can't wait to get out there again. I finally feel that I'm going to be able to jog one day. All I hear my mind say are the words of that dear friend, "You can do this Linz, you can!" That inner runner in my soul is making it's way out to run for dear life; in order to have life!
So, today...August 27, 2012 shall be my first blog of my journey. I may not post everyday, in fact I doubt it, but I'll post all my miles. I do have some logged in dailymile, but I really don't want to go back through them! LOL Let's just say there are several footprints on the road that belong to me. Join me in my journey to get healthy! You can all be my accountability partners :) As for any trial, I'm always excited to see the other side of it and see God's works that are revealed!
Until next time . . . run for dear life!!
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